Fear of Expressing myself

In regards to red/fungal rash on penis and surrounding area: (very subtle red color skin appears and goes away the past 2 weeks. Doctor said it was fungal.)

When I am in general societal situations I fear if I am not elegant (graceful and stylish in appearance and manor) that I will be harmed (emotionally) thus I fear expressing myself out of fear of not being "elegant"/good enough or as good as others.

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear expressing myself.

Till here no further do i fear expressing myself as I see there is nothing to fear, and the fear I have of judgment from others is actually me judging myself so I am actually fearing others being like me (judging of myself).

When fear of judgment arrises I stop in that moment and do not participate in the thoughts as i see I have understood this point and now must walk through the correction/reprogramming of this pattern.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to withhold my self expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to withhold my self expression out of fear of being harmed by others.

Till here no further do I withhold/suppress my self expression as I see the suppression of my self expression is not of life.

Till here no further do I believe or fear that I will be harmed by others if they do not accept my self expression or if they judge my self expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to require approval from others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I need acceptance from others for self validation and self worth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I am whole and complete within myself as myself and do not require anything or anyone outside of me for validation or for self worth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear and believe that others will harm me if my self expression isn't 'elegant' (pleasingly graceful and stylish in appearance or manner).

Till here no further do I fear being 'harmed' by others if my self expression isn't 'elegant'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel harmed when I perceive that my manor and or appearance is not elegant.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my appearance and manor as not being elegant.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge some expressions as being elegant and others as not being elegant.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my self expression is less then others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress my self expression due to the beliefe that my self expression is less then others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear expressing myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare my and others self expressions to each other with the beliefs that some are better then others.

Till here no further do I judge myself or others self expressions as being better then or less then.

Till here no further do I compare self expressions.

Till here no further do I fear expressing myself.

When comparison of my and others self expression arrises I stop in that moment and breathe. I no longer participate in this thought pattern as I see that it is based out of illusion and that it is learned from television of what elegant is ("cool" "smooth" "stylish" "confident").

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be me, to not express me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am less then because of the plain clothes I wear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge plain clothes as being less then more stylish clothing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and others that wear plain clothes as being less then people that wear more stylish clothing.

Till here no further do I judge myself or others based on the clothing we wear or don't wear. As I see ones self expression is not determined by the clothes I/they wear but who I/they are as a person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe men with more thought-out stylish clothes are superior to me.

Till here no further do I believe that men with more thought-out clothing are superior to me as I no longer compare or judge myself or others based on clothing or my/their external presentations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress my expression when I am around other men that I perceive to be superior do to there stylish clothes and or manor.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look at people both men and woman with fashionable clothes as being better then.

Till her no further do i participate in the beauty system of fashionable people being better then un-fashionable people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress my self expression when I am around men that I perceive to have a more cool mannerism and way of speaking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe and judge slower talking care free smooth mannerisms as being cool and superior; thus suppressing my self expression.

Till here no further do I compare the way I speak with the way others speak.

Till here no further do I judge slower speaking smooth care free mannerisms as being better then and superior.

When I notice myself noticing someone as having slow speaking smooth care free mannerisms I stop in that moment and do not participate in these thoughts thus not going into comparison or superiority/inferiority as I see these are all based on beliefs which I learned from television and others around me that validated these beliefs also with the influence of media/television.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress my self expression when I am around men that I perceive to be better looking.

I no longer suppress my self expression when I am around men that I perceive to be better looking.

Till here no further do I compare my looks to others or others looks to others.

Till here no further do I participate in the thoughts/beliefs that people that look a certain way (which look like what the media portrays) do I judge these people as being superior; or myself or others that don't look like 'the look' portrayed in media as being inferior.

Additional thoughts/notes:

Why did I manifest this red fungal rash in my "private" area in regards to fear of expression due to my comparison of myself and others of being less then or better then based on being or not being "elegant" (graceful and stylish in appearance or manner)?

Because the beauty system and system of comparison of ones fashionability and graceful/cool mannerism is rooted in sex appeal.

Fear that if I do not have the sex appeal I perceive these others have I will not get attention or sex, thus I created this rash on my "private" area due to me putting too much into sexuality/sex appeal as being self expression .

I forgive myself accepting and allowing myself to believe I need sex or sex appeal to be able to express myself.

I forgive myself accepting and allowing myself to put so much importance in sexuality.

I forgive myself accepting and allowing myself to not realize my self expression does not require sex and myself expression is who I am in every HERE moment.

Till here no rusher do I put added importance on self expression through sexuality/sex appeal.

I express me HERE in every HERE moment.

I STOP participation in comparison of my self expression and others self expression.

I no longer feed these thoughts and beliefs with my attention.

I Breathe through these points as they arise and remain HERE in oneness and equality

I STOP comparison.

I no longer suppress me.

I allow myself to express myself fully openly and honestly HERE, as who I am HERE.

I breathe and move as breath and not of the mind of comparison.

________

Additional Self Corrective action in addition to the SF applied above.

Communication with others that I compare myself to.

Comparison, fear of disapproval and more...

I have a belief that people I perceive to have elegancy (people that are graceful & stylish in appearance and manor) do it effortlessly. And I judge this gracefulness of appearance and mannerism as being "sacred"/superior/better then.

Because I believe that people I perceive to have elegancy do it effortlessly I experience egocentricity.

I have a belief that people that i perceive to be graceful and stylish in appearance and manor do it effortlessly, thus my ego feels hurt/threatened because I believe that I do not have grace & style in appearance and manor. And i believe people that are graceful in appearance and manor will get more attention/more love; and if I am not graceful in appearance I will not get love. -- a belief I took on as a kid due to my family not showing love and affection like I observed with other families. Other families I observed would kiss their kids and tell them they love them regularly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my family not showing love and affection meant that they do not love me as much as other families love their kids.

I now see that my family did love me, however due to their own insecurities, they didn't express or show love for each other in open direct ways.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be dependent on the energy of love directed toward me, whether in a direct way or an indirect way as with my family.

I am no longer dependent on receiving energy/love from others as I realize I am love all ready and whole and complete all ready and do not require anything because 'I am that'.

If the need/desire for love/energy arrises I stop in that moment and breathe and connect with the 'love' that is me in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that i require energy and love from others in order to have self-worth and self value.

I now see that I do not need validation or recognition from others to have worth or value, as worth and value can only exist in separation and comparison.

If the need for validation or recognition arises, I stop in that moment and breathe here, as I realize I am Here and do not need validation from others that I am here. And I no longer compare myself or others as being less then/greater then.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that i require an outside form of acceptance to determine my self-worth and self value.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that self worth and value exist as I see that they can only exist in comparison/separation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that love is here as me as all and the belief that it must be obtained from 'somewhere' is an illusion because what I am actually looking to obtain is energy. To consume energy as an addiction due to the belief that, that is the ultimate goal in life and if I don't have it I have no worth or value and am less then and inferior.

I no longer require energy/love to feel 'worth' or 'value' as worth and value are an illusion and I no longer feed this system.

I learned this desire for energy and belief that I require energy from the dualism that exist in this world of love hate. And seeing love as something that I must have because I see others in the world obtaining love, even if in them obtaining love is done in and for dishonest reasons and dependency.

I no longer try to obtain love or energy.

As a kid I observed this as normal and as what is. I now see that humanity as a whole is dishonest and many things I observed and learned growing up and took on as the way life is, are actually illusions. -- thus I no longer participate in the belief that I require energy/love.

And I no longer participate in the belief that I need something outside of me to be 'complete' and to have self 'worth' and 'value'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself due to the belief that I am less then and inferior to others therefore I don't think I can trust myself because of my perceived less then image of myself self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear trusting myself due to the belief I am not 'as good' or not good enough.

I no longer participate in the belief that I am less then.

I no longer participate in the belief that I can not trust myself.

I trust myself Here, and if self doubt presents itself, I stop in that moment and breathe through the doubt and fear and move myself in an as self trust in oneness and equality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have many experiences in my life that indicate that I CAN trust myself however giving into self doubt due to the belief that I am not good enough.

I no longer 'give in' to self doubt and fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am not good enough due to comparison of others that seem to have 'more' looks, confidence and elegance - based on the illusions of 'what is the superior appearance and mannerism', which I learned from the media which was validated from people around me in the world due to their being influenced by media and marketing as well.

I release all beliefs I've learned from media and the world around me that there is a superior way of being and looking.

I no longer participate in comparison of peoples confidence levels, types of mannerisms or appearances both facial and body and clothing.

When I notice comparison playing out within me, I stop in that moment and breathe and focus on the Here of what is Here in the moment in the physical, which is not comparison, as comparison 'Only exist in the Mind'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that people that appear perfect and are graceful in manor and appearance get love and those that are not do not get love.

I realize that the amount of 'love' one appears to get is actually a reflection of how much 'love' self acceptance they give themselves and is not dependent on their appearance or mannerism.

I realize that the live that people get and give based on physical appearance and mannerism is delusional love based on concepts and beliefs in the mind and not based on actuality of what is here. This type of love based on perceived appearance and mannerism is learned from the media and people who have decided.... "this look is better then that look and this way of speaking and acting is better then that way of speaking and acting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that people I perceive to be elegant and graceful in appearance and manor do it effortlessly and naturally and because this does not come naturally for me I am not as good and thus can't trust myself and thus fear judgment.

I realize that people that are or appear to be graceful and smooth in their mannerism and or appearance is either a reflection of their self honest stability within themselves or a self-dishonest mask.

I no longer try to be a certain way and when I notice myself wanting to change the way I look and or act I stop in that moment and breathe and move myself according to my self honest expression in that moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be hard on myself for my comparisons of myself as not being as graceful or attractive in manor and appearance.

I am no longer hard on myself as I realize what I was being hard in myself for was based on illusion and beliefs.

I realize being hard on myself actually causes more undesirable situations and does not help me in any way.

I forgive myself for believing that if I am hard on myself that, that will make me 'get better' and change.

I no longer participate in being hard on myself about anything as I see I am learning and will take what I learn and move myself accordingly based on what is self honest and in alignment with oneness and equality. Letting go of the past moment and being here in self trust and self acceptance in each moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and change who I am based on my beliefs that if I look and act a certain way that I will get love or more love.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear disapproval if I am not graceful in my appearance and manor.

I no longer fear judgment/comparison/disapproval based on my appearance or mannerism as I no longer judge/compare/disapprove of myself -- as disapproval, judgment and comparison are illusions/reactions of the mind.

I realize that I can be 'who I am' and do not have to try and live up to the appearances and mannerism's that are depicted on tv and media as being the superior ways of looking and acting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am less then and inferior.

I no longer believe that I am less then or inferior and I no longer believe that anyone is inferior or superior to anyone.

When thoughts/comparisons of inferiority and superiority arise i stop in that moment and breathe and remain with what is physically here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself and others based on what I have learned from the media of what 'elegant'/superior manor and appearance are.

I no longer believe what the media says in all of it's forms (tv, magazines, billboards etc), of what the superior way of being looking and acting is.

When comparison to what is presented on the media arrises, I STOP and breathe and no longer participate in this comparison and superiority and inferiority system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear disapproval from "M" if I where to not put on deoderant the night before thus possibly causing me to smell the next day.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear disapproval from "M" if I stink.

I no longer put deoderant on for anyone else except for myself.

I no longer fear disapproval from "M" or anyone else if i smell. I realize I am human and sometimes the human body smells and it doesn't make me or anyone less then because of this.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear disapproval from "M" if I do not meet/live up to the standards of being elegant in my manor and appearance based on the beliefs I have of what this means based on the media.

I no longer fear disapproval from "M" based on the way I look both with body and clothing or by my manorisims.

I no longer project onto "M" that she is materialistic in that she judges or approves or disapproves of me based on my appearance and or mannerism.

I see that I am only disapproving of myself based on my beliefs of what are the superior ways of appearance and mannerisms.

In addition i see that these projections onto "M" of being approving or disapproving are also based on my expectations I designed based on the observation of my grandmother always being disapproving of my grandfather.

I no have the expectation of disapproval from "M" or other woman.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear disapproval from "M" based on my projections and beliefs that others are superior/better based on my perceived projection/observation that they are elegant in appearance and manor.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project onto "M" that she may be disapproving of my appearance and or mannerism.

I realize that I have a learned expectation of "M" and girl friends from the past and girls in general will be disapproving of me based on my observations as a kid of my grandmother constantly being disapproving of my grandfather; yelling at him and getting mad at him for things that where not even wrong or bad.

I realize this confused me as a kid and I thus took on the belief that in a relationship, the female is disapproving and therefore I must do all that I can to protect myself from disapproval to keep myself from having to be yelled at as seeing the disapproval from my grandfather toward my grandfather didn't feel good and made me sad.

Therefore in observing the world I 'picked out' all of the qualities that where perceived as superior and 'better' to try and live up to those standards of appearance and mannerism to attempt to be perfect to avoid/protect myself from disapproval and from feeling bad/sad.

I no longer try to change who I am based on outside influences as who I am is Here as breath.

I no longer try to avoid or protect myself from disapproval as I realize there is nothing to protect myself from if I am Here in self-honest self expression which I am.

I realize now that this belief that girls are disapproving is an illusion as my grandmother was 'disapproving' of my grandfather due to her having a lot of un-dealt with anger that expressed itself at my grandfather because he was shy and thus would allow it.

Therefore I no longer project onto "M" or any girls that they are disapproving of males.

When fear of disapproval arrises I stop in that moment and breathe and no longer feed these thoughts with my attention, and I see this fear of disapproval was not based on truth, it was just a situation of my grandmother taking her anger out on my grandfather which I observed as being the way men and woman dynamics are.

Thus believing and expecting this disapproval -- I have manifested disapproval/rejection from almost all of my girlfriends except for 2.

There is nothing to compare myself to,

I am Here in self-honest self-expression as who I am in each moment.

I do not compare myself or fear judgment.

When any of the patterns mentioned above in regards to comparison/judgment and fear of disapproval arise,

I Stop in that moment and breathe through the point in self honest self directive movement.

--The same day this point came up for me to work with i noticed myself comparing myself to a guy that had a smooth calm talking voice. I was jealous that he was better then me and that "M" would like him over me because of his smooth talking voice.