Addicted to the RUSH of rushing...

I am always in a rush to get to the next thing. From rushing to leave at the time I had planned to go to work, rushing to get home from work, rushing as I cook food, rushing to read forum post, rushing to read my book, rushing to get dressed, rushing to get undressed, rushing to catch the next bus/train..... in rushing I get a RUSH!!
In rushing I am not HERE but I am THERE in the 'future'.

Why do I rush?
I rush out of fear of running out of time, fear of disapproval if I am late somewhere... I rush for the excitement of being done with the task I am rushing to do so I can do something else - constantly rushing to get to the next thing.

Today felt great (not rushing)! I enjoyed myself and life even with the absence of the RUSH. Although I kind of got a RUSH out of not rushing, LOL - work in progress! Perhaps it wasn't a rush but joy in being more present with self?!

I remained in self trust that I can move at a natural pace through life and trust that I will get myself where I need to be without having to rush.

In not rushing I got a chore done before work that i had been putting off due to fear of not having enough time to do it before work and I got to work a earlier then I ever do!

Each time i felt the RUSH inside of me I stopped and breathed and didn't give into the desire to rush, and moved as self-trust Here.

Discontentment

discontentment is self-inflicted suffering - discontentment only makes a situation harder to deal with as well as it continues to manifest situations of discontentment until you STOP.

discontentment is having un-met expectations, un-met future projections - instead of trusting self in the HERE moment that all is as it should be - and will always be as long as I am living within and as self-honesty, self-love, and self-trust HERE.

Self-pity

Self-pity(sp), why do I enjoy sp?
What do i get out of sp?
Why am i addicted to sp?
Where did I learn sp?
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What is self-pity for you Eric?

SP is me feeling bad for myself and me wanting others to feel bad for me as well.

Why do you feel bad for yourself and want others to feel bad for you?

I don't know.

What do you get out of feeling bad for yourself and others feeling bad for you?

I use sp as an excuse to not take self-responsibility, and by not taking self-responsibility I eliminate my risk of failing at something and being judged for not being perfect. So sp is my excuse to do nothing, an excuse to not have to 'take chances' and fear judgment.

What will happen if you 'fail' at something?

Well, I will be judged for it and that will mean i am not perfect.

Who will judge you?

I don't know - myself, i will judge myself. so this fear of judgment is just me judging me, me comparing me to others. Somewhere I created the idea that I must be perfect. I am using SP to hide me from myself, to hide me from who i 'really' am because I fear who i am.

Why do you fear who you 'really' are?

I fear who I 'really' am because it is unknown, and i don't know if I will still be a good person and i know i am not perfect like I want to be.

Why do you want to be perfect?

So i don't get judged as being less then others(inferior).

Where did you get this idea of being less then others?

From media and my environment. People that have financial wealth are looked at as superior to others, and i nor my family have ever been financially wealthy thus I feared judgment from some of my elementary school friends that had wealthy parents and nice and big homes and nice cars.

Who where these friends?

Hunter and Philip, two neighborhood/school friends that I rarely let them come to my house out of shame of my house being old and messy and us not having as much money as them. I realize this self-pity, fear of failure/judgment for being less then others and fear of facing who i really am is all an illusion a learned belief which i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

So you use self-pity as an excuse to not take self-responsibility out of fear of judgment for not being perfect/being less then others if you where to 'fail'. So you fear who you 'really' are, because who you really are may not be 'perfect' and may "fail".

What do you get out of others having pity for you?

I feel it is all the same, self-pity and pity from others...pity whether from myself or others allows me to use it for all of the above reasons.
However me wallowing in self-pity allows me to not have to take self-responsibility and face who i really am because wallowing in pity takes up all of my time, thus excusing me from looking at myself and moving myself into action.

And pity from others does have the added 'benefit' of attention.

What do you get out of the attention from others?

Validation to not have to take action/self-responsibility because i am in such a 'pit' that someone else has to actually take care of me. So the attention just validates my non-movement.

I see. So back to this fear of being less then. So from what i understand this fear of inferiority/fear of judgment started when you where in grade school out of fear of judgment of your friends having 'more' then you, and your idea from the media that wealthy/people are superior to those with 'less'.

Yes. So i want to recap this for myself.

I use self-pity as an excuse to not have to take self-responsibility.

I don't want to take self-responsibility because i fear facing who i 'really' am.

I fear facing who I 'really' am because i don't know who i really am and fear that who i 'really' am is not perfect/is less then others.

I fear being less then others because i fear judgment from them, however really it is just me judging myself due to learned beliefs of superiority and inferiority which i now realize is an illusion and is not real.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create situations in my life of self-pity.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create movies in my head of situations of self-pity.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use self-pity as an excuse to not take self-responsibility.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking responsibility out of fear of who I ‘really’ am not being perfect thus being judged by others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being judged by others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear who I ‘really’ am.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid facing who I ‘really’ am.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as being inferior to others thus fearing judgment from others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that this fear of judgment of being less then others, is actually just me judging myself as being less then others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that this judgment/belief I have of ‘less then others’ is a learned belief from the media and my environment and is not real.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power over to the fear of facing myself and taking self-responsibility.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power over to the fear of judgment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide from myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use others by getting their pity and getting their attention to take care of me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire un-desirable situations in my life for my desire to use self-pity as an excuse to hide.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create illness to get M’s attention and care.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use M’s attention and care as an excuse and validation to not take self-responsibility.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take self-responsibility.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that who I am is not ‘perfect’ thus there is nothing to loose in facing who I ‘really’ am which I have been avoiding with self-pity.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel helpless.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am helpless.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the belief that I am helpless as an excuse to continue doing nothing and avoiding SELF.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the media and my environment that those with financial wealth are superior and those with less money are inferior.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge Hunter and Philip and their families as being better then myself and my family because they had a lot of money and a nice big house and nice cars and took trips.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself feel bad for myself for not having a lot of money.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and my family as being less then Hunter and Philip and others that are wealthy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that inferiority and superiority are real, as they are not, they are just beliefs based on ideas – as money does not make one better then another. And no one is better then anyone, as we are all ‘the same’.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear failure.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear failing at life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear “failure” due to fear of judgment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear judgment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use fear of failure and fear of judgment as an excuse to not take self-responsibility.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being perfect out of fear of judgment, out of fear of who I ‘really’ am not being perfect because I don’t know who I ‘really’ am.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be perfect.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that being perfect exist in this world at this time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I am ‘perfect’ as who I really am HERE, in-perfections and all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create ‘food allergies’ for self-pity and pity from others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use ‘food allergies’ as a means of attaining self-pity.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wallow in self-pity for having ‘food allergies’.

I STOP participation within and as the desire to attain pity and self-pity from ‘food allergies’.
I STOP participation within and as the desire to create situations of self-pity.
I STOP participation within and as the desire to wallow in self-pity.
I STOP participation within and as the desire to get attention from others with self-pity.
I STOP participation within and as the belief that inferiority and superiority exist.
I STOP participation within and as the belief that perfection exist within this world at this time.
I STOP participation within and as the desire to be perfect.
I STOP participation within and as the creation of illness to attract attention/pity from M and others to validate my ‘helplessness’ thus excusing me to continue doing nothing.
I STOP participation within and as the fear of facing who I ‘really’ am.
I STOP participation within and as the fear of taking self-responsibility.
I STOP participation within and as the fear of failure.
I STOP participation within and as the fear of judgment for not being perfect.
I STOP participation within and as judgment of self as being less then others.
I STOP participation within and as the fear of being who I ‘really’ am always in self-honesty and self-trust HERE.
I STOP participation within and as the mind/thoughts/beliefs/fears in all of their forms right HERE – I STOP.

And I STAND HERE as LIFE as who I ‘really’ am. And I move self HERE within and as SELF-HONEST, SELF-TRUST, SELF-FORGIVENESS, and SELF-RESPONSIBILITY.

I no longer create situations of self-pity whether physical or in my mind.

I Breathe

Purpose

purpose(anxiety) vibrates in me, even in this very moment sitting here looking at the forum and youtube.....'am i waisting my time, should i be doing something more productive"' "More productive"-meaning doing something that shows my movement within this world, something that i can show and say - 'see look what i am doing'. Something that feeds the system.
I STOP as i realise this anxiety(purpose) is not 'real' It is accepted and allowed pre-programing/pre-conditioning. Pre-conditionig/pre-programing so the robots(me/humanity) will continue to feed money and power to those that wish to control us by living our life 'purpose' of keeping the machine working.

The root of anger within me - What is anger? Why is anger?

What is anger other then a pre-learned/pre-programmed response/reaction to an 'event' that isn't aligned with my beliefes.

The root of me experience anger within and as me is a learned behavour/reaction to 'things' that don't align perfectly with my beliefes. As well as me not being self-honest with myself in all ways.

Because I am not self-honest with myself in all ways, which is not aligned with "the way" I react with this pre-learned reaction of anger vs. me actually stopping my self-deception and taking self-responsability to move me into action appropriatley.

I have anger at 'things' that don't align with what i perceive to be "the way" - because I have learned that when things don't align with what I perceive to be "the way" I should be angry.

One of my roomates lets dishes pile up for days in the sink - because I don't feel this is "the way" I feel anger at this situation.

I STOP participation within and as this beliefe that if 'things' don't align with what I believe to be "the way", I am supposed to react with and as anger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am supposed to react in and as anger toward 'things' that don't align with my belifes of what I feel to be "the way".

Anger toward myself/being hard on myselff is again a learned beliefe that what I am doing/what I did isn't "the way" therefore I react in anger toward myself.
I react within and as anger toward 'anything' that isn't 'aligned' with my beliefs of "the way".

The way to do this or that.The way to think.The way to act.The way to feel.The way to react or not react.The way to write.The way to dress.The way to eat...
Me getting angry at my roomates for not cleaning up after themselves.
Anger because it is against my beliefes of "the way" to be.My beliefe is one should always clean up after themselves right after making the "mess" - this is "the way" I believe to be true.

Anger is an illusion and I STOP participation within and as it here.
If I anger arisses within and as me I STOP to see where I am being self-dishonest and move me acordingly within and as Self-Honesty vs. acting out in the endless cycle of anger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when something isn't aligned with my beliefes that I should react in and as anger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the way I observed my grandmother reacting in anger all the time at every little thing is the way that I am supposed to be.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that anger is a normal and acceptable reaction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within and as anger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be self-dishonest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in and as anger due to me not being self-honest vs. me just stopping the self-dishonesty and moving me accordingly in self-honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be completely SELF HONEST with 'myself and others.'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power over to anger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise sooner that anger is an illusion/a prelearned reaction to things that aren't in alignment with my belifes of "the way".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for not realising sooner that anger is an illusion/ a prelearned reaction to things that aren't in alignment with my belifefs of "the way".

I STOP participation within and as anger in all of it's forms.

I STOP participation within and as the belief that anger is the way I am supposed to react to 'things' that aren't in alignment with my beliefes of "the way".

I realise that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become ANGER. ME as ANGER STOPS HERE.Till HERE no further will I accept and allow myself to be this system of anger.

I as Anger STOPS - and for the first time I accept and allow myself to be self directive within complete Self-Honesty and Self-Trust as LIFE HERE.

I am HERE

ANGER - Self-Forgiveness

Growing up my grandmother and still to this day expresses a lot of anger. She has had many un-dealt with traumas in her life that come out in anger. I lived with my grandparents until I was 21. My grandmother mostly took her anger out on my grandfather and mother because they where both very passive and would allow her to. I observed my grandmother getting mad at my grandfather about every little thing - things that where not even anything.

I took on a blended personality of my nice - shy, passive grandfather and mother and my nice but very angry at life grandmother.

This has made me into a nice - shy, passive/anger suppressed person.
I accepted and allowed myself to become this nice - shy, passive/anger suppressed person.

I have since come a long way with my shyness however still a work in progress. I exspress my feelings now except for anger. I have anger that shows it'self inside me over little things people do - due to my observations as a kid growing up watching my grandmother get angry at every little thing people did. This anger has been deeply suppressed out of my fear of expressing myself due to my shyness and fear of not being looked at as perfect.

I STOP
I stop participation in anger, as anger is of the mind. Anger is not who I really am. Anger is an illusion of the mind and solves nothing.

I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that anger exist.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself with and as anger.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take on the characteristics of shyness and anger suppression of my mother and grandfather.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take on the characteristics of anger from my grandmother.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that getting anger at people for every little thing is the way life is and the way I should be.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not recognize that anger is an illusion.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not recognize that my grandmothers anger was due to undealt with past traumas.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear expressing ME.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear expressing anger.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to admit to having anger/getting angry.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be controlled by anger.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate me from others with my identification with and as anger.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be run by anger.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be in my power and move and direct me HERE as who I really am.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get angry at myself for not being able to express my anger.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at my grandmother for being mean and angry toward my grandfather, mother, me, uncle, pets and aunt.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being looked at as perfect if I where to express anger.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate with and in anger.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react witih anger.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with myself.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not love myself.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert anger to another instead of realising that this anger within me - has been manifested by myself through participation of thoughts.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing anger to exist within me.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to react with anger and in anger.
I fogive myself that I have allowed and accepted anger within another and thus validated the existence of anger within me.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to be angry at and with the money system.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert this anger within me towards the money system of the world.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at people that have a lot of money.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge people that have a lot of money as being bad.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at all of the presidents that are on the money due to my thoughts of them being bad people.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at the taxes that come out of my paycheck.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at the government for using money for war.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at the government for not using tax money for united healthcare and education.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at time when I haven't had enough money.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at credit card companies.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at Sophia for being part of the reason I had so much credit card debt.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at Sophia for cheating on me.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to be angry at Sophia lieing to me.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at Sophia for being jealous and mad at me when I talked to other girls.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at Emily for being so controling over me.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for not being in my power to stand up for myself.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at the guy that Sophia cheated on me with.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exspress with and as anger toward Sophia.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exspress with and as anger toward the guy Sophia cheated on me with.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in anger.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert this anger within me towards God that doesn't exist.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to be angry with "God".
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at and with my mom.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at my mom when I was in kindergarden because she seemed very "tom boyish" and a kid pointed that out to me.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at my mom for always asking me if I did my taxes yet everytime I speak to her during tax time.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at my mom for repeating herself in conversation.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at my mom for not having a father for me when I was growing up.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at Steve for controling my mom.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at Steve for being an alcholic.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at Steve for being a for being a sleezeball.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at Steve for not being responsable and getting drunk then having my mom call me to pick him up.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at my dad for pretending that he didn't know I existed until I contacted him.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at my dad for cheating on his fiance with my mother who lived next door.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at my mom for not telling me about my dad.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at my mom for not being openinly communicative with me and telling me about my dad, instead I had to ask my grandmother.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for not being brave enough to ask my mom or family about my dad, instead my girlfriend at the time had to ask my grandmother.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at my grandmother for being passivly mean to me with remarks.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at my grandmother for not telling me about my dad.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at my grandmother for making comments of "are you gay" because I was a quite kid with femine qualities.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at all of my past girlfriends that broke up with me.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at the time when I was in my teens that I didn't get to have sex with Yolanda.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself exert this anger within me toward my family.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert this anger wtihing me toward my mom.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be frustrated with my mom for seeming "slow".
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at my mom for seeming very "young minded".
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with me.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert this anger within me towards myself - instead of using this anger to stand up and say: 'Till here no further and stop the mind.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with the world.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry that all of the people in the world are so mean to each other and materalistic.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert this anger within me towards the world.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with humanity.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert this anger wtihin me towards humanity.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with the government.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert this anger within me towards the government.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with the media.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at the media for lieing to the public.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at the media for holding back truths to keep the public un-aware.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at the media for working for the "devel"/the government/the elite.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert this anger withing me towards the media.
I fogive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realise that exerting anger to someone or something separate from me is a statement of blame - instead of me taking self responsibility for me in applying self forgivenesss for allowing and accepting anger withing me through the participation in thoughts and thus me standing up as me for me as who i am.
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to relise that anger exist within me becuase I am not allowing myself to take self responsibility for me in living self hnesty.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to be angry with and at rapist.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert my anger towards rapists through blame.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with and at murderes and killers.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert my anger towards murderes and rapists through blame - instead of realising that it is the systems - the mind - as them accepting and allowing this - the very same mind of system that I have accepted and allowed within me. NO MORE! I stand up as who I am - I no longer accept and allow the mind of systems to direct me, to control me or disempower me. And this I no longer accept and allow the mind of systems in this world as reapistes and murders.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear me murdering others from stories I have heard on news of "nice", "normal" people all of a sudden flipping out and killing their loved ones.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take on this fear of myself harming others as a mechinizam to protect me from this very thing happeing to me(some sort of brain fluke causing me to go from normal and nice to harming/killing others).
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for creating images of my harming others as a mechanizm to protect me from flipping out and doing this.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for fearing me flipping out due to some out of nowhere brain fluke and harming/killing loved ones/others.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for accepting and allowing myself to belive that I have to protect myself from flipping out and harming/killing others by projecting thoughts/images of me actually harming others so that I will be in control and not allow this to ever happen.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear harming myself.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear harming others.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for contemplating suicide in the past.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project my anger within me through the thoughts of suicide.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for wanting to kill myself after Sophia cheated on me.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for wanting to kill myself after sophia broke up with me.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert this anger within and as me toward the situation of sophia cheating on me and breaking up with me.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at glenda for breaking up with me.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at kelly for cheaing on me.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry within and at this existence.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to exert my anger towards this existence instead of realising that the very something or someone I am angry with and at to which i exert my anger - I am responsible for - and the exertion of anger is but the statement of blame and that I am not willing to take respoinsibility for what I have accepted and allowed within myself and thus within this existence.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to be angry with and at the military.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at soildiers that join the military because the think it is cool.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with and at soildiers for going to war and killing other.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at soildiers that show of and are proud to be in the military.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert my anger towards the military and soildiers.
I fogive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realise that being angry with and at and exerting my anger towards and to something or someone seperate from me: gets me nowwhere - but left with even more frustration, anger and resentment - instead of me realising that I must stand up within and as myself as who i am and to not acept or allow anything less then who I am.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that this self forgiveness that I am applying right now will not be effective - i realease this fear as it is an illusion of the mind and is not real- I STOP participation with and as this fear of my self forgiveness i am applying here not being effective in realising points of anger within and as me.
I fogive myself that i haven't allowed myself to realise that being angry with and at and exerting my anger towards and to something or someone seperate from me: i am giving that very something or someon the power, acceptance and allowance, support and assistance to exist - instead of me taking my own power and standing up as who I am in assisting and suporting myself with self honesty, self application and self forgiveness.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with and at the existence of money - wishing that money never existed.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert my anger towards money - blaming money for the situation the world and my life is in - instead of me looking at myself first.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry wtih the current status and position and experiencce of myself in my life.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert my anger towards the current status and position and experience of myself in my life - blaming everything and everyone else around, outside of me - instead of me standing up within myself and directing myself if I am simply not statisfied with where i am and what I have become.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with and at the tax system.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert my anger towards the tax system.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use alcohol to attempt and try and suppress this anger within me.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt and try and suppress this anger within me with substances such as drugs and medication - instead of me standing up within me as me and directing this anger through self forgiveness to release - to no longer accept and allow this anger within me to consume and overpower me.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself be consumed and overpwered by anger.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become a slave to anger.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be controled directed and told who and what I am by anger.
I fogive that I haven't allowed myself to take a moment for me as me and relise: Wait a minute, but I'm not this anger!
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with and at the educational system.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert my anger towards the educational system.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with and at security foreces, police, cia, fbi.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert my anger towards the security forces, police, cia and fbi.
I fogive myself that i haven't allowed myself to realise that there are many, multiple, various manifexstations in this world and of this world to which ai am able to exert my anger, to be angry with and at - existing so that I am not able to see and relise that the anger i am experienceing - I am repsonsible for becuase it's exiting wihtin me.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with and at Anu.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert my anger towards Anu.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have an outlet for anger instead of me taking responsibility for this anger I have accepted and allowed to generate within me through thoughts - by applying self forevieness and living self honesty.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to denie the anger within and as me by suppressing it and pretending that it doesn't exist.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with and at teachers.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert my anger towards teachers (in schools that teach children useless knowledge and information to program their minds).
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with and at the existence of religion, spirituality, new age monements and atheist, scientologist and diciples of gurus which included myself.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for accepting and allowing myself to follow a path instead of trusing myself, being myself and moving and directing myself and not following anyone elses path.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exertmy anger towards the existence of religion, spirituallity new age momvements, scientologist and those that follow gurus including myself.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with and at the existence of pope and priests.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert my anger towards the existence of pope and prests.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with and at the existence of drung.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert my anger towards the existence of drungs.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with and at the existence of alcohol.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert my anger to the existence of alcohol.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angr with and at the existence of weapons, weapons of mass destruction, guns knives bombs.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert my anger towards the existence or weapons, weapons of mass destruction, firearms, guns, bombs knives.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that to be angry with and at and to exert my anger towards and to something or someone sepearte from me - is making a statement that i do not accpet and allow its existence - when actually it's the direct opposite. Exerting, being angry with and at something or someone separate from me - is a statement of blame and thus i give that very something or someone the power to exist. It is not to exert anger or blame - but to realise that I am accepting and allowing the very existence ot that somehting or someone if I allow and accept the existence of my mind - the sysstem. And thus to stand up within and as me to no longer acceptn and allow my mind to contol, direct or disempower me.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with and at the existence of illness, disease and sickness.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with and at myself for causing myself to have disease and illness.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for creating disease and illness within and as me to get attention and care from Mer.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert my anger toward myself for accepting and allowing myself to create disease and illness within and as me for attention and care from Mer.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry when I get colds or the flu.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at my hands for having an illness.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for having an "autoimmune" disordere.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with and at the existence of poverty.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert my anger towards the existence of poverty.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with and at the existence of starvation.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert my anger towards the existence of starvation.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with and at the existence of wealth.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert my anger towards the existence of wealth.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at this blog site for taking an extended amount of time sometimes for things that I copy and paste to show up.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with mer for my judgements of her flirting with other guys.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at mer for speaking from her unconscious mind sometimes.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge mer for flirting with other guys and for speaking from her unconscious mind sometimes.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for getting frustrated/annoyed with mer sometimes when she is joking around a lot when I am not in the mood.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at mer for trying to get my attention when I am not in the mood.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for accepting and allowing myself to have anger within and as me when me tries to get my attention when I am not in the mood.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for being shy.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for accepting and allowing myself to masterbate with physical pictures and mental pictures of girls in my head in the past.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for accepting and allowing myself to be shy..
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and be perfect.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power over to the mind/mental images of girls.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for accepting and allowing myself to be run by the mind and pictures of girls.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power over to the mind thus have my attention pulled off my center everytime a "pretty" girl is in sight.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for accepting and allowing myself to enjoy looking at "pretty" girls faces, breast and ass.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have been able to release these desires within and as me to look at girls.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at my grandmother for being mean to my grandfather.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at the police that took my cousin kevin in and and possibly beat him to death.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at president bush.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at my roomate steve for being so messy.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at my roomate steve for not cleaning up after himself.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at my roomate steve for not claening up after himself for an extended amount of time.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at my roomate steve for letting dishes pile up for many days.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at my roomate D for leaving her music on until 4am when I text messaged her to ask her to turn it off.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at my roomate D for saying she likes it better when noone is home so she can have the place to herself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take D saying she likes it better when noone is home because she can have the place to herself - personal.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at Jason for getting stuck in mind loops.
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for not being "awakened".
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for not being HERE fully with and as breath.

I STOP.

I Stop participation within and as anger as i see that all anger i express/blame on other is all anger that is within me.
I release all anger in all of it's forms from every aspect of my being right HERE.
Till here no further will I accept and allow myself to be run by anger.
Till here no further will I accept and allow anger to exist within and as me.

I STAND AS LIFE HERE IN ONENESS AND EQUALITY
MOVING AND DIRECTING ME HERE WITH AND AS BREATH
I AM HERE I AM STABLE I AM LIFE
I
HERE
_

JEALOUSY - (Jail oh see)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be jealous.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to identify with and as jealousy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be run by jealousy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power over to jealousy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as being inferior to others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as being inferior to B and T.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear M wanting to “leave” me for B or T.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear M fantasying about B and T.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as being less then B and T.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and others as being less then and greater then others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be jealous of B and T because of their “good” looks, charm, intellect, musical abilities and creativity.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear M will like B and T more then me because of their “good” looks, charm, intellect, musical abilities and creativity.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not recognized myself as being equal to B and T in “good” looks, charm, intellect, musical abilities and creativity.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge “good” looks, charm, intellect, musical abilities and creativity as being better then “bad” looks, no charm, no intellect, no musical abilities and no creativity.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself and others by identification with labels of good, bad, better, worse.
I release all thoughts and beliefs that anyone is better then anyone else.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear M desiring to be with other guys.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear M wanting to discontinue our agreement together.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear loosing M.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to identify who I am with M.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not recognize that I am complete within and as myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in thoughts of jealousy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in pictures of M “hooking” up with B and T.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get tired and depressed like by thoughts of jealousy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust M.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust all girlfriends I have ever had.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself around girls in the past.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “cheat” on 2 past girlfriends – therefore I now project this untruthfulness of my past self onto M.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project my past untruthfulness onto M.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be dishonest with Katy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be dishonest with Emily.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be dishonest with Sophia.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear loosing a part of myself if M where to “leave” me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am not complete without M.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear loosing my identity if M where to leave me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being alone if M where to leave me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear judgment and pity from my family if M where to leave me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear M being with other guys if she where to leave me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow pictures of M with other guys to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be run by pictures and thoughts of jealousy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear M being annoyed with me for not doing more work on the website then I already am doing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear M leaving me because of her maybe thinking I am too radical.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project judgments onto M for thinking I am too radical.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act tired and down around M due to my jealousy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself act down in front of M out of self-pity and for her attention.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do the poor me act for attention from M.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create food allergies shortly after meeting M 3 years ago for her attention and care.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be dependent on M's care.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be dependent on past girlfriends care.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear M getting bored with me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear M thinking I am boring.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear M leaving me because of her thinking I am too boring.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear M leaving me because of her thinking I am too tired a lot of the time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear M wanting attention from other men because of me not making as big of a deal when I see her breast as I used to.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear M wanting attention from other men because of me not commenting as much on how beautiful she looks.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear M wanting attention from other men because of me sharing with her that beauty is relative and that beauty is an illusion of the mind – thus when I say she is beautiful I know I am participating in the mind of separation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear M wanting attention from other men because of my judgment that she wants to hear that she is beautiful more often.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear M wanting attention from other men because she said she is exploring her sexuality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge M saying she is exploring her sexuality to mean she is wanting to get attention from other men and possibly pursuing other men.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear M wanting attention from other men because of me being awkward in my process sometimes.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge B and T as wanting to “hook” up with M.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge B and T as wanting to pursue M.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge B and T as wanting to flirt with M.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge B and T as flirting with M.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge M as flirting with B and T.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge M as wanting to hook up/pursue B and T.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as being less then B and T.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge B and T as being superior to me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as being inferior to B and T.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to B and T.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare others to others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be jealous over C the guy from Brazil that kissed M on the cheek at a bon fire 3 years ago.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear M really liking C.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear M fantasizing about C.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear M cheating on me with C, B and T.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear M cheating on me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become depressed during that time 3 years ago when I thought M was going to leave me because of her infatuation with C.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge M as being infatuation with C.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to C.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as being less then/inferior to C.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge C as being superior to me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge C as being a flirt.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be a flirt.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enjoy attention from other girls even though I had no desire to pursue them.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be infatuated with girls – as infatuation is of the mind and who I really am is not the mind.

Who I really am is not jealousy.
Jealousy is a learned belief.
I learned jealousy from my environment (school, society), television, movies and past experiences with relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe jealousy to be a normal thing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power over to jealousy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to observe jealousy in my environment, television, movies and past experiences and judge it as being real.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that jealousy is an illusion of the mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be fully in my power HERE.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the past thoughts and beliefs of jealousy and project them into a possible future causing me to live in fear of loosing M.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that being jealous of M and past girlfriends would protect me from being in situations of them cheating on me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that all girls would cheat on me if they had a chance because of my past experiences of being cheated on with Glenda, Kelly and Sophia.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear M cheating on me because of being cheated on by Glenda, Kelly and Sophia.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look at myself in the mirror and at who I am physically and nonphysical and wonder why M would want to be with me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as being younger then I should be.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear M leaving me due to my not being “manly” enough.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear M leaving me because I have had H(P)V.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear M getting H(P)V.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear H(P)V coming back.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear H(P)V never leaving my physical body.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel inferior to others because of H(P)V.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself express passive anger towards M.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do things that I don’t want to do because I feel I will get more approval from M if I do them.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel I have to do things for approval from M.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge M as wanting approval from me to keep her interest in me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “suck” M into caring for me by forming different illnesses within my human physical body.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear loosing me if I loose M.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be attached to M.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be attached to M’s beauty.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge M as being superior to me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge M as being inferior to me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel superior to other for being in a relationship with M who I judge to be very beautiful, sMt and cool.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel self-worth for being in a relationship wit M because of her beauty, intellect, intuition and coolness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get annoyed with M when she does things for attention even if she is just playing – as this annoyance felt toward M is my annoyance with myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be annoyed with myself for doing things for attention.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge M as being judgmental towards others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be judgmental towards others and myself.

I STOP – I no longer accept and allow jealousy to exist within and as me.
I no longer accept and allow myself to be jealous toward C, B or T.
I no longer accept and allow myself to be jealous toward any guy toward M.
I no longer accept and allow myself to fear M wanting to leave me.
I no longer accept and allow myself to fear M leaving me.
I no longer accept and allow myself to fear M wanting to be with B, C or T.
I no longer accept and allow myself to judge myself as being less then C, B or T.
I no longer accept and allow myself to judge myself or others as being less then or greater then anyone.
I no longer accept and allow myself to believe that jealousy protects me from being hurt.
I no longer accept and allow myself to be run by jealousy.
I no longer accept and allow myself to compare myself or others to myself or others.
I no longer accept and allow myself to be annoyed with M for doing things out of attention even if she is just playing.
I no longer accept and allow myself to be annoyed with myself for doing things to get attention.
I no longer accept and allow myself to do things out of attention.
I no longer accept and allow myself to victimize myself to get M's attention.
I no longer accept and allow myself to create situations or thoughts of self-pity.
I no longer accept and allow myself to disempower myself by creating situations of self pity.
I no longer accept and allow past thoughts and beliefs of jealousy to exist within and as me.
I no longer accept and allow myself to participate in thoughts that I am not complete with M.
I no longer accept and allow myself to participate in thoughts that I need M to be complete.
I no longer accept and allow myself to participate within and as the mind – as who I really am is not the mind – who I really am is HERE with and as Breath.

I release all thoughts, fears and pictures of jealousy in all of its forms from every aspect of my being.
I release all comparison of myself and others from every aspect of my being.
I release all judgments towards myself and others from every aspect of my being.
I release all judgments towards M from every aspect of my being.

Jealousy is not real, all that is ‘real’ is me HERE with and as BREATH.

I Move and direct me HERE with and as BREATH as LIFE as ONE as ALL as EQUAL.

I STAND
I AM
I
_

disempower - self pity - fear of rejection etc..

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not do yoga when I actually enjoy doing it and want to do it - this is because of self sabatoge and not appreciating myself fully - lack of complete self love.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabatoge myself to create situations of self pity in order to take away my responsabilities and disempower myself out of fear of who I AM.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create situations of self pity to take away my responsabilities and disempower myself out of fear of who I AM.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disempower myself out of fear of who I AM.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear who I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be present - thus particpating within and as the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as the mind because it is "comfortable" thus allowing me to avoid being who I really AM.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that being disempowered is comforatable and easy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be in my power.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to conitinue participation within and as the mind even though I know that everything of the mind is an illusion - this is because the mind is all I have known and been for eon's of time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in and as the mind for eon's of time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stand up as LIFE HERE in every moment w/and as BREATH.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the way of my family and the world of mind participation and mind ups and downs is the way "it" is.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself and question the way things are.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not question the way things are because of my fear of rejection.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear rejection because of fear of being alone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being alone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being alone out of believing I need others to define who I am and validate my existance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I need others to define who I am and validate my existance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I need others to validate my existance - as I do not need this as I am HERE, I am ME HERE as LIFE, I am HERE as AWARENESS of SELF.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manifest a fungal infection do to my fears in that region of my body and because of not going fully for what I want as I have hesitations going to my 'job'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking self responsibility and go fully for what I want to do which is support self w/out having to rely on an employeer.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to supress the feelings of not wanting to continue working for employeers and therefore continuing to do so.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say, "i will support myself with out employeers soon" instead of just doing it now.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to procrastinate standing up for who I AM HERE.



I will no longer accept and allow myself to procrastinate standing up for who I AM HERE.

I will no longer accept and allow myself to just accept working for an employeer.

I stand HERE for who I AM as LIFE moving and directing me to do what it is I want to do as exspression of SELF HERE.

I will look for a space to hold groups/client sessions to begin the process of supporting self. In this I will be open to what self direction comes up within the HERE with no attachments to having a space to hold groups/client sessions to begin the process of supporitng self.



I will no longer accept and allow myself to sabotage myself to disempower myself out of fear of who I AM.

I will no longer accept and allow myself to create situations of self pitty.

I will no longer accept and allow myself to not do yoga when I want to do it.

I do yoga when my body feels it.

I stand as LIFE in my "POWER" to move and direct me as needed.

I will no longer accept and allow myself to not be fully HERE with and as breath.

I breathe and I am my body and breath practically HERE.



I TRUST MYSELF FULLY HERE.

I LOVE MYSELF HERE and ALL LIFE in ALL FORMS.



I MOVE

I BREATHE

I AM

I

HERE...

SURVIVAL - MONEY - FOOD

My biggest challanges at this moment seem to be money related and food related. I realised today perhaps this is because these two things, money and food are such HUGE parts of our life. Survival, lol.
So many mixed messages and beliefs around money and food.

SURVIVAL - MoneY - FOOD
Survival - MY one - Food

Survival is my one "food".

Thoughts of survival is all I consuME. CON SUpper Me (con myself into eating myself for supper) yum!
I consuME ME with my thoughts of survival. Consuming the life out of me by living in fear/survival. I live in survival - fear if I don't live in and as survival I will die.

Therefore I must live in and as fear in order to survive(fear).
If survive to me is fear then - I must live in and as fear in order to fear.

So I must live in and as LIFE in order to LIVE.

Fear of running out of money, fear of running out of food, fear of "dying".

Fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear faer fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear STOP STOP STOP STOP

Dream - Money, fear of not having it...

Dream..

I am in a car with my friend who is financially wealthy. She needed to get a replacement battery for something so we go to a store. At first we thought she needed a small battery that would only cost a few dollars however it ended up being a larger battery she needed and it cost $160.00.




Back in the car now - she is driving, and she ask me to check her accounts to see how much money was in there. She was complaining how much the battery cost however I know she has more then enough money to get it. I am looking online at her accounts, she tells me to giver her the amounts in 6 of the about 20 differfent accounts just to see how much she has. She has many millions of dollars, however she is still uptight about spending that much for a battery.




We go to another store where she wanted to see if they had the same battery for less cost - however they did not.




Translation....

My financially wealthy friend represents me and my money/relationship with money.

My relationship with money based on false beliefs and fears of money is "driving"/running ME.

Money representing my fears and also literally money.

The battery represents my "power"(my essence HERE) which my fears prevent me from accessing.




I have formed false beliefes/fears around money. These past beliefes/fears of money are running me. They are running me to the point that even though now I have some extra money to purchase organic foods etc. I still have the fear that "I can't" purchase them because if I do I will "run out of money".

This is a false beliefe based on past experiences.

Reflection..
Growing up my family always talked about how much things cost and complaining about it(money). Based on this beliefe, I formed that money is hard to get and "we" don't have much of it - since I moved out on my own I have always been living paycheck to paycheck barley getting by - and eventually filing bank ruptcey at age 25(3 years ago).

My beliefes around money keep manifesting into my reality keeping me in a place of not having enough. Until the past few months, I have been working on these patterns and now have some extra money and can eat out if I want and buy a ticket to a show and buy a rechargeable battery adaptor which I happened to do in "waking" life today etc.




Although I have this extra money now I still live in fear of running out of money with EVERYTHING I purchase EVERYTIME. This fear is lessening however less it may be it is still running me.

Insights...
My fears in all of they're forms are "blocking" me from being ME(in my "power"/HERE).

I have more then enough money/resources to do all the things I want to do right HERE. And HERE is all that exist - therefore there is no need for me to fear not having enough money as this fear is me projecting the past into the future which both do not even exist - skipping right over the HERE - existing in the mind and not practically HERE with and as BREATH.

Till here no further - I will no longer accept and allow myself to fear running out of money.

Self-Forgiveness & Self-Direction..
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear running out of money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience fear within and as me when I purchase things even though I have more then enough money to make the purchases.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to identify with and as my families beliefes of money being hard to get and not having enough of it.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power over to the fear of running out of money.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create situations of not having enough money/running out of money due to my participation with and as the beliefes of not having enough money/running out of money.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be controlled by money.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be controlled by my fears of money.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge money as being bad.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from money due to my projected beliefes that I have placed around money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt at manifesting money vs. just being HERE - moving and directing me within and as the HERE.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear dying if I where to run out of money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as being inferior for accepting and allowing myself to put myself in repeated situations of running out of money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge those with a lot of money as being materialistic.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge those without a lot of money as being less then those that do have a lot of money.

I release all fears of running out of money.

I release all fears of purchasing things due to the fear of running out of money.




I release all judgements of money being bad.




I release all beLIEfes of my families that I took on as money being hard to get and not having enough of it.



I release all beLIFes i've learned from observing the worlds relationship around money.




I release all fears of of death of not having enough money.



I release all judgements that people with a lot of money are materialistic.


I release all judgements that people that do not have a lot of money are less then people with a lot of money.


I release all judgments of myself being inferior for accepting and allowing myself to put myself in repeated situations of running out of money.


I release all desires to manifest money.

I STOP participation within and as the fears/beliefes of running out of money.

I no longer seperate myself from money, as I am money and money is me as all is ALL.

I am HERE as BREATH as LIFE as ALL - moving and directing ME as SELF-HONESTY and SELF-TRUST in ONENESS and EQUALITY.....

Self-Forgiveness for Food

FOOD ALERGIES
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manifest food allergies within and as my human physical body.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make my human physical body allergic to sugar.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make my human physical body allergic to wheat/gluten.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make my human physical body allergic to dairy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make my human physical body allergic to molds.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make my human physical body allergic to yeast/candida.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make my human physical body allergic to sugar and fruits.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make my human physical body allergic to vinegar/fermented foods.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to identify with and as a person with many food allergies.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create food allergies to disempower me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create food allergies to create a poor me scenario/to make me a "victim".
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad for myself for "not" being able to eat so many "good" foods.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I "get power" from others that feel bad for me for not being able to eat so many different foods.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that food allergies will cause me to get other diseases and illness ultimately leading to my death.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Fear foods.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create food allergies to "protect' me from getting "fat".
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my food allergies where created by a "higher power" to lead me toward a sadduh life style.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to "take away" foods that I enjoy to make me suffer.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my food allergies for extra attention from my partner.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that foods can harm my body - when actually it is only my participation with and as thoughts that harms my body.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the foods I eat as I am actually one with and equal to the foods I eat - they are me and I am them and we are we.

I STOP - I will no longer accept and allow myself to identify with and as food allergies.
I will no longer accept and allow myself to believe that foods can harm me.
I will no longer accept and allow myself to believe that I am "allergic to foods".
I will no longer accept and allow myself to create food allergies to feel bad for myself and to created "poor me" situations with others.
I will no longer accept and allow myself to use food allergies to get extra "care" from my partner.
I will no longer accept and allow myself to believe that food can harm me, as it is not the food I am allergic to buy my participation in thoughts around the foods.

I RELEASE ALL FEARS,THOUGHTS AND BELIEFS RELATED TO ME AND FOOD ALLERGIES - as the are all creations of the mind -illusions, which I will no longer accept and allow to run me.

I STAND HERE within and as SELF - moving and directing me HERE within and as SELF-RESPONSABILITY and SELF-HONESTY - UNMOVED by foods and thoughts - STABLE HERE in SELF as LIFE as ONE as ALL as EQUAL - I AM HERE.

FAT
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear food will make me "fat".
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear becoming "fat".
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge "fat" as being a bad thing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear eating too much food will cause me to loose my "six pack".
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create food allergies to prevent me from getting "fat".
I STOP - I will no longer accept and allow myself to feat getting "fat".
I will no longer accept and allow myself to judge "fat" as being a "bad" thing.
I will no longer accept and allow myself to create food allergies to "protect" me from my feat of getting fat.
I will no longer accept and allow myself to judge myself or others as being fat or not fat as we all just ARE.
I release all fears of getting "fat".
I release all judgments that "fat" is a bad thing.
I release all fears that eating "too much" food will cause me to loose my "six pack".
I release all beliefs that food will make me "fat".
I release all fears of judgments of becoming "fat".

SWEETS/SUGAR
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to over-indulge in sweets.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that sweets bring me joy - when actually joy is my natural state of being with or without sweets.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use sweets to add "sweetness" to my life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear eating sweets will make me "fat".
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear eating sweets will cause me to get cavities and loose my teeth some day.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to eat sweets fast and unconsciously as if I will die if I don't eat them fast enough.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to eat sweets to cover up my emotions.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be addicted to sweets.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be addicted to sugar.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make my human physical body allergic to sugar.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear sugar will cause flatulence and loose stool within my human physical body.
I release all fears of sugar causing me to become "fat".
I release all fears that sugar will cause me to loose my teeth.
I release all beliefs that I am addicted to sugar.
I release all beliefs that I am allergic to sugar.
I release all beliefs that sugar is bad/unhealthy.
I will no longer accept and allow myself to fear eating sugar will cause me to get "fat" and loose my teeth.
I will no longer accept and allow myself to be run by my fears of sugar.
I will no longer accept and allow myself to believe that I am allergic to sugar.
I will no longer accept and allow myself to believe that sugar can/will harm me.
I will no longer accept and allow myself to believe that sugar I can't eat sugar - as I am sugar and sugar is me one and equal.


SALT
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use salt as my replacement for sugar when I stopped eating sugar.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to transfer my addiction to sugar to an addiction of salt.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse the amount of salt that I use on my foods.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to over-indulge in salty foods such as corn tortilla chips and popcorn.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear eating too much salt will cause me to have high-blood pressure because my family has it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power over to the fear of eating too much salt causing me to get high blood pressure.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that just because my family has high blood pressure that I may get it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge how much salt I use as being a lot.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge salt as being bad/unhealthy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be run by my fear of eating salt even though I still eat it.
I release all fears of salt as they are all illusions - creations of the mind and who I really am is not influenced or affected by anything. Who I really am is indefinable and unreactive. Who I really am is HERE as Breath as one as all as equal.
I will no longer accept and allow myself to fear that eating salt will cause me to get high blood pressure.
I will no longer accept and allow myself to judge salt as being bad/unhealthy, as salt just is, and it is equal and one with and as me.

DAIRY
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become allergic to dairy because my family is allergic to dairy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that because my family is lactose intolerant that I am lactose intolerant.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take on a dairy allergy because of the fact that my family had it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear dairy will cause flatulence and loose stool.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power over to the fear that I am allergic to dairy.
I will no longer accept and allow myself believe that dairy is the cause of my dairy allergy - as it is my beliefs around dairy that makes me allergic to it.
I release all fears, thoughts and beliefs that I am allergic to dairy and that dairy causes me to have flatulence and loose stool.

WHEAT/GLUTEN
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop an allergy to wheat/gluten.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear eating wheat/gluten/gluten like foods will cause me to have flatulence and loose stool.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to identify with and as celiac disease/allergic to wheat/gluten after my session with a psychic telling me so.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that eating wheat/gluten will cause damage to my intestines.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I may get other diseases/illnesses from the damage caused to my intestines from eating wheat/gluten/from celiac disease.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be addicted to breads.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am allergic to wheat/gluten and gluten like things such as oats and white rice.
I will no longer accept and allow myself to fear that I am allergic to wheat/gluten.
I will no longer accept and allow myself to fear that wheat/gluten causes damage to my intestines - as it is my thoughts that causes damage to my human physical body and not foods.
I will no longer accept and allow myself to give my power over to the beliefs/fears that I am allergic to wheat/gluten.
I will no longer accept and allow myself to identify with and as celiac disease and wheat/gluten allergy.
I release all fears of getting other diseases and illnesses from celiac disease/wheat/gluten allergies.
I release all beliefs that exist within me that I am allergic to wheat/gluten and that I have celiac disease.
I release all beliefs that my intestines are damaged/get damaged from eating wheat/gluten/gluten like foods.

YEAST
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am allergic to yeast/fermented foods after being told so by a psychic.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to identify with and as a yeast/candida allergy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that eating foods with yeast in it will cause me to have flatulence and loose stool.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that eating foods with yeast in it is harmful to my health.
I will no longer accept and allow myself to fear that eating foods with yeast in it will cause me to have flatulence and loose stool.
I will no longer accept and allow myself to feat that eating foods with yeast in it will harm my health.
I will no longer accept and allow myself to believe that foods can harm my health as only I can harm my health by my participation with and has the mind/beliefs.
I release all fears/thoughts/beliefs that I am allergic to foods with yeast in it.

MOLDS
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am allergic to molds after being told so by a psychic.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe foods with molds such as mushrooms, peanuts etc. are harmful to my health and that I am allergic to them.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power over to the fear of being allergic to molds.
I release all fears/beliefs that I am allergic to foods with molds in them.
I will no longer accept and allow myself to believe that I am allergic to foods with molds in them as it is my self/my thoughts that I am allergic to.

FRIED FOODS
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear eating fried foods will make me "fat".
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that eating fried foods will clog my arteries and cause me to die.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that fried foods is harmful to my human physical body.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power over to the fear that eating fried foods is harmful to my body and that it will kill me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and others that eat fried foods as being bad.
I STOP - I no longer accept and allow myself to be run by the fear that eating fried foods is bad and harmful to my health.
I release all thoughts, beliefs and fears that eating fried foods is harmful to my health.

EGGS
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear eating "too many" eggs will give me high cholesterol and clog my arteries and give me a heart attack.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as eating "too many" eggs.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge eggs as being a bad thing and harmful to the health.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear eating too many egg yolks will cause harm to me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power over to the fear of eating eggs being harmful to my health.
I STOP - I will no longer accept and allow myself to believe that eating eggs is harmful to my health and that it will cause high cholesterol and give me a heart attack - as this is an illusion, a creation of the mind that is not real - And I will no longer accept and allow myself to be run by this fear.
I release all fears from every aspect of my being that eating eggs is harmful to my health and will cause me to have high cholesterol and have a heart attack.

I release all beliefs that I have ever learned about food, as food just IS - and it is one with an equal to me/as me.

Fear of forgetting and attachment to the past and the present moment....

Constantly I am in my mind projecting "future" conversations with others of sharing my experience I am having in that present moment, while still in that particular experience.

Out of attachment to the moment I project thoughts of sharing the experience with others out of fear that I will forget the experience. Fear of loss of what the experience is "giving" me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear forgetting my experiences.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be attached to my past and present experiences.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project "future" conversations with others in sharing my experiences.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear loosing a part of me if I where to forget an experience.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to identify who I am by my experiences.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear loosing my identity if I where to forget my experiences.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not recognize that who I am is already HERE with or with out experiences.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in replayed thought-loops out of fear of forgetting my experiences.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I "get" joy from participation in thoughts of past and present experiences.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not recognize that joy is me HERE with or without experiences.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear loosing my thoughts.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear loosing ME if I where to forget my thoughts.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in thoughts.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that who really am is my thoughts.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that who I am is not defined by past or present experiences - but who I really am is HERE as breath.

I STOP - I will no longer accept and allow myself to fear forgetting my experiences.
I will no longer accept and allow myself to to be attached to my experiences.
I will no longer accept and allow myself to believe that who I am is defined by my experiences.
I will no longer accept and allow myself to fear loosing me if I where to forget my experiences.
I will no longer accept and allow myself to be run by the fear of forgetting my experiences - as who I am is not defined by my experiences- who I am is undefinable.
Who I am is HERE as breath - moving and directing me as who I really am, as expression of SELF HERE.
I release all fears of forgetting my experiences from every aspect of my being.
I release all attachments to past, present, and future experiences as all that exist is HERE.
And so it is - I no longer accept and allow myself to exist within and as the fear of forgetting my experiences - and I no longer accept and allow myself to be attached to my experiences - and I no longer accept and allow myself to project future conversations with others - I no longer accept and allow myself to be anything but HERE.

I STOP

I AM HERE

I AM BREATH

I AM

I
__

Self-Forgiveness for not speaking my truth...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not speak my truth to Hospice in telling them I no longer want to volunteer.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear speaking my truth to hospice to let them know I no longer want to volunteer.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear rejection from Hospice for not wanting to volunteer anymore.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project thoughts that Hospice will reject me/look down on me for not wanting to volunteer anymore.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stand up for myself in what I want/don't want to do.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold-in my truth from Hospice which manifested as a soar throat.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power over to the fear of rejection for speaking my truth to Hospice.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be in my power and express my truth to Hospice.

I STOP - I will no longer accept and allow myself to be run by the fear of speaking my truth to Hospice for not wanting to volunteer anymore.

I RELEASE ALL thoughts/fears of speaking my truth to Hospice of not wanting to volunteer anymore - as these thoughts/fears are all illusions - creations of the mind that are not real - they are not who I really am.

Who I really am is HERE as expression of SELF moving and directing me within and as Self-Honesty.

I will call Hospice tomorrow morning to speak my truth of not wanting to volunteer anymore.

I no longer accept and allow dishonesty to exist within and as me -
I am Honesty - I am Breath - I am HERE